hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
