It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
