the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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