If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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