I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Randomize
