Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
there's paper in my vomit.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
