I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
