Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
