I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
two words...techno handjob
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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