she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
