so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
