Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
