Do you still have your period?
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
