porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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