Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I am spending my child support on dildos
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize