if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
