Umm I'm too high to move.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
