well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
