His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
