i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Randomize
