The maid of honor just puked.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Randomize
