This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
