I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
