Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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