Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Randomize
