So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
