Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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