Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
