He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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