mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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