so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
