he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
