like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
