he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
