I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
