Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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