dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
