Already got asked if we're dating
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
i need some magic done to my vagina
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
