he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
