my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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