There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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