did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Randomize
