Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
