I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
