I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
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