There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
