Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
