i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
