On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Randomize
