My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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