I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
