No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize
