I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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