Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
