Already got asked if we're dating
A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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