at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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