We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
as a side note pls kill me
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
