We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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