She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
