Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
