WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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