I hope mine doesn't look like that
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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