get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
