Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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