We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
