I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Randomize
