I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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