my phone cant type all the emotion im having
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
