I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
