When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
